Masturbation Tips for Women
So, you don’t get why masturbating gets so much hype? You’re not weird – many women have been in your position at some point. With guys, it can sometimes seem like there are varying degrees of near obsession with masturbating, yet you and your friends stay suspiciously quiet on the self-love subject. Maybe not! Maybe you all rave about your solo fun. But, if you’re newer to masturbation than them, or you’ve tried your friends’ tips and techniques which do nothing for you, read on for our masturbation tips for women. We’re going to discuss how to play with your clit so you can discover how you like to touch yourself, and how you like to be touched.
So, how do I find the clitoris?
Most people want their partners to orgasm during sex and with the clit playing such a key role for many women, it’s certainly useful to know how to find the clit. This is where a mirror can come in handy. Lie down and make yourself comfortable in a safe space and hold up a mirror to your vaginal opening. You’ll see that above your vaginal opening (towards your belly), where your outer labia ‘lips’ and inner labia ‘lips’ typically meet, possibly partly or totally covered by a fleshy ‘hood’, is the ‘head’ of your clitoris. If part of your clit is exposed, it may look like a little or large bead of flesh. This ‘head’ (officially named the glans) is only part of your clit. The truth is your clitoris has ‘arms’ that reach towards your back under the surface of your vulva, following the lines of your labia, meaning your clitoris is also wrapped around the opening of your vagina.
Most clits have a hood that hides some or all of the exposed head/glans, and when you’re turned on it can puff up. Yep, just like an erection, it fills up with blood, which increases its sensitivity. But just rubbing your clit vigorously may leave you a little sore – instead try to experiment with different pressures and motions to see what causes a spark.
You’ve got to learn how to touch yourself before you can teach someone else
Who doesn’t dream of meeting someone who’ll magically know exactly how to get them off? Telling someone ‘play with my clit’ and hoping for the best probably won’t be enough. That means you probably need to get clued up on how to do it yourself, so that you’ll be able to tell your partner what you enjoy. The best way to stimulate a clitoris will vary from clitoris to clitoris – sometimes stimulation from inside the vagina works well, other times touching the outer part is what does it, so you need to discover what works best for you.
The best way to stimulate your clit
So, what is the best way to stimulate your clit? Well… it varies as much as vulvas do. There are some common themes in what people say works for them: don’t rush or force it, and don’t stimulate the head of the clit right from the start, because the nerves there are very sensitive, and it can feel like too much too soon and shut the whole party down.
You might fake an emergency if a partner skipped foreplay (to save yourself from faking something else later), but women often miss this step themselves when they start out masturbating. Solo sex is still sex you want to be good, so until you’re an expert, hold off on intense stimulation to your most sensitive parts until you’re warmed up, or else the outcome might convince you your bits are broken.
A hot shower or bath, soft or silky clothing, or self-massage could alert your senses that something sexy might be about to happen. Warm, low lighting and slow, deep music are staples of romantic Hollywood sex scenes for a reason - they create an erotic mood. At least while you’re first getting to know yourself you might want to err on the side of slow and sensual - tease out what feels good before upping the intensity.
Anything that gets your vulva pumped up is going to spread out your sensitivity beyond just your clit, as the area fills with blood and makes your nerves feel zingier. Anything tugging at your attention is going to be a distraction, so give yourself a real, total, unconditional pass to explore giving yourself pleasure. Make sure no one and no notifications can interrupt you - mute everything but the music, including thoughts about whatever you’re (not) missing out on by not checking your phone. Get into a position you can totally relax in, so you’re comfy enough to just play.
You can start by rubbing a wide, flat surface against your entire vulva, like your open hand, or even a firm cushion, while you’re still dressed, or even totally nude. Find whatever gives you enough stimulation to stay interested. Whatever it is, try not overstimulating because ‘too much’ is just as unhelpful as ‘too little’ when it comes to how you stimulate your clit. Your body might react more to your attention on areas on your body which are usually ‘private’ and don’t get touched as often: your butt, your inner thighs, your breasts, especially your nipples, or just trailing your fingertips down your belly and all over your body. By combining or switching between firm pressure and feather-light touches, you’ll put your body on the lookout for pleasurable sensations.
If you give it the right lead-in, your clit will show you exactly why it’s such a big deal. Moving on from the wider-ranging pressure you were using before, gradually circle in closer with a more focused point of contact - touching yourself around your clit, even through a layer of clothing like panties, can feel amazing. Venture farther, if you wish, to the area around the entrance to your vagina which can stimulate the long ‘branches’ of the hidden part of the clit, which reach towards your back from your clit’s head. If you’re trying this skin-on-skin, adding a warming or cooling sensation lube can make your touch feel smoother and more intense. Sensation lubes can be felt inside you too, which is where you might want to take this next.
If it turns you on, you can start with sliding one finger into your vagina. You might notice the whole external area feels puffier and wetter than the times when you just touched yourself to get clean - that’s a sign you’re warmed up and nailing this masturbation thing! More might be more, so you can try adding another finger to see if it feels good.
If you’re feeling adventurous, even if you just use one finger, curling it back towards you to press against the wall of your vagina towards your front, where the head of the clit is, you may be able to find the illusive ‘g-spot’.
Explore deeper if you want, but typically the most sensitive part of the vagina is closest to the opening, where you can stimulate your clit through its walls.
Sticking to the shore
If you want to focus your attention where you may feel stronger sensations, you can run your fingers down your inner labia (‘lips’) - which are sometimes sensitive and sometimes not - and rub your clit through the hood (direct rubbing can be too much for some people). Sometimes friction enhances how it feels (and keeps the action focused on the spot that’s really working for you), but you can also play with using lube on your fingers to make them glide over all your sensitive bits. Experiment to find the right pressure and speed and see if you can strum up a rhythm - you might find the pleasure builds the longer you keep up the same beat.
Playing with toys
Sex toys are loved by people of all genders. You can experiment with them to figure out what works for you. Not all of them vibrate, but over half the women asked in one American study had used a vibrator. The same study found that vibrators were most often used for direct-to-clit stimulation, with inserting them being the less popular option, and found that compared with women who never used vibrators, the ones who did reported being more likely to orgasm. In case you were wondering why your hands aren’t always enough, it’s because so much of your clitoris is hidden under the surface, sometimes vibrations can be the only thing that reach enough of your most sensitive nerves with enough strength to trip your body’s wires into an explosive overload - that is, an orgasm.
There are a zillion different vibrators you could buy, so we’ll give you the lowdown: some vibes are designed to go inside you, others stimulate you from outside, and others do both. Vibration varies - from high and whiny, to deep and rumbly - and which is ‘better’ is purely personal preference. Lube can help you get more from your toy: use it to help slide a toy into you more easily, or you can use warming sensation lube to give a toy a ‘real’ feel, which may be more of a turn-on.
Fingers, pillows, electric toothbrushes (and those suspicious vibrating mascaras), a well-aimed showerhead spray, spa jets, various fruit and vegetables, and probably more things than could ever be included in a single list have been tried by women in their pursuit of an orgasm. Whatever stimulation women might enjoy from these ‘nonstandard’ pleasure assistants, it’s probably safest - and most effective – to just use items specifically designed to get you off.
How do you know you’ve orgasmed?
No, it’s not a dumb question. The usual, unhelpful, advice is that ‘when you know, you know’. Possibly no two orgasms are the same, but people report a few things in common: a rush of pleasant ‘electricity’ and warmth (possibly similar to how your face suddenly feels hot when you blush), as you may or may not be able to feel your muscles ‘release’ the built-up pressure and spasm involuntarily. Multiple waves of satisfying sensations may wash through you, anywhere from just your clit, through to your whole vulva, to your scalp, to even your fingers and toes. You might not be able to keep your body from tensing in enjoyable bursts (try to keep doing whatever you were doing that triggered the orgasm - you can sometimes make them last longer this way), you might shake, you might make sounds without meaning to (another reason to have music playing if you’re worried about someone hearing you), and you might immediately want to make it happen again.
I can’t get there!
Don’t panic, and don’t jump to the conclusion that there’s something wrong if you find that orgasms don’t come easily to you immediately. Just keep experimenting and playing with yourself in different ways and remember that being under pressure to cum - whether it’s pressure from yourself or someone else - is possibly the best way to make sure it doesn’t happen.
Porn might not be the best teacher for technique...
Fake news is everywhere, especially about what really does it for women. Remember what gets shown in porn is generally what looks good on camera and not what feels great in real life, so don’t feel bad if you find that the “film-worthy” sex you see on screen doesn’t do it for you personally. Rubbing your clit like you’re trying to make it catch fire, while also practicing gymnastics on top of your partner, is what looks good (to some) – but not always what feels good.
If you get horny watching it, this doesn’t mean anything bad about you - it did exactly what it was designed to do and you should feel free to enjoy it, even if you’re pretty sure that what you’re seeing on screen isn’t anything you’d want to do in real life! It’s normal (and fun!) to have fantasies which you’re happy to know will probably remain just fantasies.
Your happy ending
While it can be tough to guess what will get you off, once you find what works, it’s likely to get easier to make it work over and over again, especially as your body connects the dots between the stimulation and the fireworks that result.
At first, it’s possible that only one thing always works - and maybe that’s enough for you - but if you’re curious for more, don’t stop there; just keep exploring, because an orgasm from one technique may not even resemble an orgasm from another, and you deserve to feel every kind of pleasure your body can deliver.